First Time Absent - Panicked Meltdown

Everyone always jokes and frets about having to be absent from their classroom. Of course it's hard giving what you worked on to someone else and crossing your fingers it is executed the way you imagined. Does that ever happen? Usually not. Can things be easily fixed? They sure can. Does it make it any easier for the first time to give up the order of your classroom? Nopers.
I was one of those people who worked for a lot of companies and employers where sick days were not an option. They were piddly part-time positions, but the boss always flipped out when you took off for any reason. Even when I was legitimately sick or my husband was in the hospital, taking days off was frowned upon. You were not given promotions. You were not given special opportunities if you took off for being sick. Unreliable was the label most oft thrown about.

During my time at field work I fretted taking off of work. I fretted missing class. The punishment for missing was severe. At least, it was in my eyes. I could lose a grade level. I would have to put in extra days to make up the time missed. I felt guilty for being sick of missing a day. I pushed myself to overcome illness. I wanted to be that person who was so absolutely dedicated to their job.

Sadly,  my mind started to embrace this idea of militant worker. Nothing was too intense to skip work for. When I look back, I think some of the mindset solidified even more when I went back to school only 3 weeks after giving birth to my daughter. I don't think I was ready to start school again, but I couldn't miss out on starting my endeavor towards becoming independent and employed. This created in me a lack of personal care, because if I had to leave my daughter at home without me at only four weeks old, then there was no reason for me to ever miss anything because nothing is worse than that.

Halfway through my day last Monday, I relinquished my position as head of my class and went home to rest up. My building buddy compassionately convinced me that I needed to go home, because either she heard I was sick from word of mouth (of which my big mouth had to say something to three people) or I looked absolutely horrible. When I sat down during my third hour planning period, I knew I needed to go home. I was feeling horrible. So I compiled my lesson plans for the rest of the day, post-it-noted them, and clipped them together. I drew up my lesson plans for the following day and post-it-noted them and clipped them together just in case I wasn't going to make it in the next day either.

In retrospect, here is what I wish I would have done:

1. A Substitute Binder/Folder

• In this binder or folder, I would include tabs of each of the periods that I teach. 
• In each period, I would have a class list. 
• A starred list of reliable students who can be extremely helpful if there are questions or concerns. 
• Also in the tabs, I would include certain guides as to the people who are also in the classroom and a description of their role. 
• There would be a copy of the lesson and a direction for what to write on the board (learning targets and classroom steps). 
• There would also be a tab that includes the time schedule for my school, as well as contact information and people to ask for help.

2. A Special Bin
In this bin the substitute teacher could place all returned or collected work that I need to see that was completed during my time away. So whether  it is work that was from the day before or work that is from in-class, it would go in there. I would want it to have hanging files if possible. That way, I could label them per period or something along those lines. There would also be a special papers folder, just in case someone stopped by and needed to drop off papers.

3. Sub-Surprise
I want to have a little container that is labeled "Sub Surprise" and I would leave a note to let the substitute know that they can take something out of the box as a thank you for their help. It might be candies or little notepads or stickers with a little thank you note. It sounds like a nice idea.

Right now would be the point where I say everything went well with as short a notice as I could muster, but I haven't arrived back in the classroom. I have been assured by my 4/5 Period para that things went well with very few snafoos. I am hoping there is a substitute report. 

I couldn't help micromanaging. I sat at home trying to write lesson plans, correctly homework, looking for lesson ideas, going through e-mails, catching up on my website, working on my class calendar, etc., etc., etc. Relax? No! I couldn't break my mind of needing to work on things. I felt lazy. I felt horrible! If I didn't knock myself out, I was going to go insane trying to keep working from home! I made banners for my class. Printed out things to hang in the classroom for the upcoming season. I was a busy little monkey!

While at home as a wife, my husband was bothered by my presence in the house. My daughter was acting out of sorts, because this was a break in her daily routine to have me home. Oh my goodness, it was chaotic! On top of that, I had to keep telling myself to sit down and relax instead of trying to do things around the house! Are sick days really helpful? Not unless you check out of the world and lock yourself away. . .LITERALLY!

The other problem with being new AND absent was missing out on any decisions that might have been made. My jaded sensibility says, "It wouldn't have mattered if you were there anyways." My practical sensibility says, "The same decision would have been made, and so what?" It is what it is. Just sit back and take in everything that is happening anyways. Another mindset I need to shed is one of paranoia, that everyone is out to get me and we are all in competition. That they are somehow looking for a way to ruin me. In reality, we are all working towards the same goal of student and school achievement. {insert smack to the forehead}

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Now that I have returned to work and seen what happened in my absence, I couldn't be any happier. Having a little bit of distance was good. Some students were clearly happy to have me back. Others took it as an opportunity to act out even more. Maybe because they missed me so much they are in need of extra attention of any level. Either way, it was good to be back. It was hard catching back up, though. So much so fast. It was intense and slightly overwhelming, but I couldn't have asked for a better absence. It makes me feel more confident about taking off in the future.